It’s the middle of my second semester in my sophomore year of college, and I am currently taking an interpersonal communication class. This class is a major course, and like my other majors, it contains mostly theories and abstract ideas. So far, we have discussed the idea of self-concept, and how it is only one part of our personality. Another component of our personality is gender. However, one thing my professor said about gender really struck me: gender is fluid.
By fluid, she meant it could change over time. I doubted this at first. I acknowledge that people change. Sometimes, these changes are made actively. They decide to stop smoking, or going to tanning salons. Sometimes, these changes happen for no obvious reason. They start drinking tea instead of coffee. They start listening to an entirely different genre of music. Keeping this in mind, I realized that such changes are choices. Choices that people make, whether consciously or subconsciously. And gender is like a choice we make when it comes to our sexual preference. If a man says he is more attracted to boys than girls, that’s his choice. But at the same time, it defines his gender. That’s that.
But a question later crossed my mind. Would it be possible for my gender to change? As a bisexual male teenager, is there a chance I would eventually realize that I’m actually straight? Or maybe I was just gay, and whatever “attraction” I felt for girls was just part of my pretending to be straight for my family and friends.
Based on the preceding discussion, the answer would be yes. There is still a possibility that all traces of bisexuality would disappear from me and I would turn out to be a brusque heterosexual man.
The next question is whether I would like to be straight. Well, it would definitely be a hell of a lot easier if I was. I wouldn’t need to hide, or lie, or pretend. I wouldn’t need to fear society’s closed minds and harsh judgments.
But I decided that no matter who I really am, be it straight, gay, or bisexual, I would learn how to love myself. I will.